It’s that time of year again – back to school! Here is a post from a few years ago when Natalie was heading off to Kindergarten. {Originally posted July, 2008}

As much as I want to deny it, Natalie is heading off to Kindergarten in four short weeks! She is beyond excited, but there is a touch of anxiety too. We are talking a lot about what she thinks it will be like, and beginning to practice routines and establish some special rituals.

I’ve gathered up some ideas – some are things I used when I taught Kindergarten, ideas I recommended to parents, etc. Many of these ideas we have used at home, when the girls started preschool, or even just staying overnight with the grandparents. Enjoy!

Before School Starts

• Visit the school and play on the playground.
• Practice your morning routine.
• Get in the habit of choosing school clothes the night before.
• Work on self-care skills, such as using the bathroom, putting on a jacket, washing hands, etc.
• Role-play what to do in different situations (how to approach a new friend, asking to use the bathroom, etc.)

The First Day

• Send your child with something special to keep in her pocket or backpack, such as a family photo, special rock, felt heart, etc. Even the most independent kids will like having a little piece of home to take to school. Both my girls had little photos to hook to their backpacks at preschool. I made these with badge holders, which you can find at office supply stores.
• Establish a good-bye ritual. This can be a really fun way to make the hard good-byes a little easier. Try creating your own “combo” with things like a kiss on each cheek, a high-five, a hug, a funny saying, an elbow-bump, hooking your pinkies together, etc.
• Have a First Day of Kindergarten party with a special dinner, scavenger hunt for a new book, etc.

Create Routines & Rituals

• Have a special after-school activity on Fridays.
• Hide something in the car for your child to find after school. This was Natalie’s *favorite* thing – I hid notes, coins, small toys, and occasionally a piece of candy inside a plastic Easter egg. Definitely something to look forward to!
• Make a monthly calendar. We use a big desk calendar, and the girls both mark down their school days and other special activities. You can also use a calendar to “journal” about the school year — just have your child tell you his favorite thing from the day, and write it on the calendar.
• Keep a scrapbook or journal together. Natalie and I will be doing this for sure!

Tips for Parents

• Have something planned for yourself the first day after drop-off — maybe meet a friend. Or, you could sit in your car and cry, like I’ll be doing…
• Find ways to be involved in the classroom and keep updated on what your child is learning and doing.
• Expect some crankiness, tantrums, napping, etc. for the first few weeks – adjusting to a new routine is hard work!
• Have a snack in the car for your child at pick-up!

Helping Your Child Talk About the Day

Some kids talk non-stop about every detail of their school day, others say nothing. Both responses are normal! Here are some ways to encourage your kids to share about the happenings at school:

• Keep a drawing pad and crayons in the car – your child can draw a picture of something from the school day on the ride home, then you can talk about it together at home.
• Know the daily schedule and themes in your child’s classroom so you can ask specific questions. Asking questions like, “What did you do for choice time?” or “What did you learn about caterpillars today?” usually gets more detailed responses than, “What did you do today?”
• Again, use that monthly calendar to write down something fun or interesting about each school day.

You can also check out my favorite books about Kindergarten – sharing stories is one of our favorite ways to start thinking and talking about a new adventure!

Do you have a little one heading off to Kindergarten? If you have ideas or tips on making the Kinder transition a bit more special, please share!

My six-year-old has become a bundle of indecisiveness. The I don’t knows come out of her mouth like a reflex or knee-jerk reaction.

From simple things (like what to eat for breakfast) to more involved ones (like what to spend her money on), she is really struggling with the deciding process. It also seems to really bother her that she can’t answer a question or choose something immediately – picture whining, crying, and collapsing in frustration.

I happen to think that being able to confidently make decisions is an important life-skill, so I try to model my strategies for making decisions as they come up, big and small.

Here are some of the things I am weaving-in to our daily life to help both my girls strengthen their decision-making skills – most of these can be adapted for use with toddlers or teens, too!

Think Time

This is the skill I work on the most with Delaney – it seems like the most basic, but for some reason she feels pressure to make decisions immediately. If you hang around our house for any amount of time, you would probably hear me say, “It’s okay to think about it. Take your time and let me know when you are ready.”

We also talk about the amount of think time being proportionate to the “size” of the decision. Small decisions=less think time; big decisions=lots of think time. Choosing what to wear today shouldn’t require as much think time as choosing what color to paint your room. This must be why I still haven’t decided on a new sofa!

Lists, Lists, and more Lists

Both of my girls like seeing their choices in writing (or pictures). So, together we have made many lists like Things I Can Play By Myself and Snacks I Like. We tape the list up in an appropriate location and leave it up as long as it is useful. Sometimes, just writing the list is enough to organize their thoughts and they don’t even need to use it after that.

Narrowing Down Choices

Sometimes, I step in and limit the choices, just like I did when the girls were younger. For example, offering two choices for breakfast seems to be more helpful than saying, “What do you want for breakfast?”

Delaney is also learning to narrow down choices for herself – if she can get it down to two choices, she usually does her own version of eeny, meeny, miny, moe to decide.

Changing the Script

We’ve been practicing some positive self-talk, too. When Delaney is having trouble deciding what she wants to do, she tends to say things like, “I don’t know” or “I can’t think of anything!”

I’m modeling more positive responses and self-talk, such as, “I’d like to think about it for a minute” or “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll let you know when I decide.”

I’m also encouraging her to say to herself, “I am a good thinker!”

Pros & Cons

For bigger decisions, I have already introduced making a pros and cons list. We talk about and write down pluses and minuses for the choices. Again, just the process of talking and writing seems to help the decision-making come easier.

Update: I started writing this post a couple months ago. We have been using these strategies when necessary, and I have noticed a big improvement in Delaney’s approach to making decisions. She does not always make quick decisions, but she is also not frustrated by the process of thinking about something and making a choice. Just another sign that she is growing and changing!

Are your kids impulsive or do they like to think things through? Have any decision-making tips to share?

Have you read the book Wemberly Worried? Worry, worry, worry. Too much worry.

We have a worrier in our house – my seven-year-old daughter, Natalie. I can totally relate to her – I get that nervous stomach, too! I wouldn’t say her anxious tendencies are debilitating, but they are something we struggle with on a day to day basis. In our quest to help her learn calming techniques and conquer new situations and experiences, we have found a few simple ways to help her work through her anxieties. Here are some things that have worked for us:

Be accepting.

Being anxious or nervous is not bad or wrong. It’s just another feeling in the great land of emotions!  I tell Natalie that the physical feelings of being nervous (tummy butterflies, dry throat, sweating, feeling flushed) are her body’s ways of protecting her. We talk about her body “checking-in” with her brain – Are you sure this is safe? Most of the time, the answer, of course, is yes! But, I never want her to disregard or ignore those feelings. She should always pay attention to her “gut” feeling.

Be proactive.

If I know in advance about a schedule change, a substitute teacher, etc., I always try to give my girls a heads-up. They like to know if the party we’re going to is going to have a lot of people they don’t know. They like to be reminded that it is going to get very dark at the theater before the play starts. I cannot predict every possible thing that might cause some worry, but I can try to be aware and attentive. Now that my girls are older, I also encourage them to ask questions that will help make them feel more comfortable going into a situation.

Make a plan.

Knowing what to expect can be a helpful tool in soothing an anxious child. When Natalie goes to ballet, she likes to know where I will be while she is in class and where I will be standing to greet her when she comes out. On the way to ballet, we talk about what she might do in her class that day – the beginning stretches, the positions, the fun free time at the end. Talking through an activity in detail can be very reassuring, and it can also distract your child from thinking about the butterflies in her tummy!

Teach positive self-talk.

Natalie is probably sick of me asking her, “What are you telling yourself right now?” But, I think positive self-talk is such an important skill, especially for someone with anxiety. Back to ballet class….. I encourage Natalie to tell herself things like I know the teacher and the kids in my class. I always have a good time. I will see my mom in one hour. This will be fun! These are feelings she expresses to me after class, so I know they are something she identifies with and can use to redirect her thinking as she waits to go into class.

If you still engage in pretend play with your kids, you can model positive self-talk as you play. Your character can say things like, “I’m really nervous about going to my friend’s house today, but I know I will have fun!”

Allow extra time.

Yes, my kids take about 20 minutes (or more!) to “warm-up” at a busy birthday party. It’s okay.

Yes, we arrive at classes and appointments early, so we can have a chance to check things out ahead of time. It’s okay.

Yes, I stay at ballet class while all the other kids in the class are dropped-off.  It’s really okay.

Extra time to be ready, extra time to feel comfortable, extra time to process – so important and so powerful!

Help your child discover calming techniques.

Right now, I am a crucial part of the calming down scenario. It’s my words, my hugs, and my reassurance that help ease the worry. But, my goal is for my girls to discover the unique things that help them calm down and relax. Talk with your child about relaxation techniques and encourage him to try some out. Here are some ideas to get you started:

• deep breathing
• stretching
• listening to music or singing
• humming
• walking
• hugging a stuffed animal
• squeezing a stress ball
• drawing, scribbling

Give praise for a job well done.

We went to the dentist recently and as we sat in the waiting room, Natalie was getting increasingly nervous about having her x-rays taken. We managed to make it through all four x-rays with some deep breaths (and silly jokes – laughing is a good stress-reliever!). After our appointment, I made sure to tell Natalie this: “Even though you were nervous, you were able to stay calm and persevere through getting your x-rays. You should be so proud of yourself.” And she was!

These are some ideas that have worked for our family. If you are concerned about your child’s anxiety, please talk with your pediatrician.

Resources:

Emotions + Preschoolers @ Let’s Explore

How to Identify Your Kids’ Stress Signs @ Michele Borba Blog

Parenting Tips for Anxious Kids @ WorryWiseKids

What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety by Dawn Huebner

When My Worries Get Too Big! A Relaxation Book for Children Who Live with Anxiety by Kari Dunn Buron

Do you have a child that struggles with worry and anxiety? What are your go-to techniques for calming your child’s nerves?